


A Ribbon; Orange Like His Falling Hair

by ImmediatelyWriting



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Hospital, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Cancer, Chronic Illness, Coming Out, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gay Male Character, Getting Together, Head Shaving, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Karasuno, Karasuno Family, Leukemia, M/M, Major Illness, Mentions of Cancer, Nekoma, Optimism, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV First Person, POV Hinata Shouyou, POV Kageyama Tobio, Possible Character Death, Sick Hinata Shouyou, Sickfic, Slow Burn, Team Bonding, Teamwork, Triggers, Volleyball, Volleyball Dorks in Love, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:35:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28894497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImmediatelyWriting/pseuds/ImmediatelyWriting
Summary: It came.He fought.But will he ever win?♥Soon after collapsing during a practice match, Hinata gets hospitalized.Kageyama hopes more than anything it's just a concussion that's keeping his teammate from practice.He couldn't be more wrong...♥His smile looks sad when he says he's okay.I know that it's because both of us know it; Hinata isn't okay.♥A KageHina Hospital AU
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 13
Kudos: 92





	1. And No One Was There...

**Author's Note:**

> Hey There!
> 
> OHHHHH!  
> Sorry, I'm way to excited! But I'm just so happy that I'm FINALLY writing a KageHina fic!!!
> 
> Some liiittle warnings before we start!  
> This Fanfiction will be about Cancer, if this affects you in a bad way, please do not read this; mental health before fanfiction, okay?  
> Other than that, I'll put extra warnings at the start of a chapter, if needed; read these to avoid getting disturbed by something, even when I don't think it'll become too graphic or disturbing. 
> 
> Having said that  
> ENJOY!
> 
> Love, Noa <3

**Tobio Kageyama**

I looked up at the ceiling, watching the ball fall down to earth at a rather quick speed.

I didn’t have much time to think, it was just a chance ball after all, but I already knew who to set it to. Hinata would be our only chance to spike this crooked ball; he’d be our only hope of winning this practice match against Nekoma’s volleyball team.

I took a moment to calculate where to put the ball, where Hinata would be.

And I aimed.

It would’ve been a perfect aim and everyone on the team knew it. But I still heard that terrifying sound of the ball softly bouncing on the floor. No one was there to hit my set.

For a moment I was sure my team had left me again; had I been ordering them around too much? I didn’t think I was, because I’d been in a pretty good mood all game.

I took a moment to breathe before turning around to my team, expecting all of them to stand on the sidelines frowning at me like my Junior High team had done to me. But the actual image scared me even more than being tossed aside.

Hinata laid on the floor.

His clothes were drenched in sweat, which was normal for any match, what bothered me was the great amount of blood that seeped from his nose and stained his shirt.

There was no movement at all, not even in the bystanders; everyone just stood there and stared as time had stopped. It felt like that for me too, like I couldn’t even react if I knew how to.

Of course, eventually, Daichi reacted; running across the court, calling for someone medical to come take a look at Hinata. And before I knew it multiple people gathered around our number ten.

Someone must’ve called an ambulance, because not long after medics entered the gym.

I still remember how we had to wipe a big amount of blood off the floor while an unconscious Hinata was brought to the hospital with wailing sirens. It’s fresh in my memory, like it happened yesterday.

In reality that practice match has been a week ago.

I’ve been beating myself up about what happened, because Hinata still hasn’t come back to school. Coach Ukai says Hinata’s still hospitalized, since they knew he most certainly has a concussion from falling face first onto the floor, but they also had to run some tests now that he was there.

All I can think about when I’m in class, doing homework or trying to sleep, is how I might’ve been able to keep this from happening; I’d known weeks before the practice match, that Hinata had been feeling ill. He was less energetic and kept getting exhausted from exercises that normally took no energy away from the carrot-top’s hyperactivity. He’d whine about muscle aches more often than not.

I also noticed Hinata got a bloody nose at least once a practice, if not more often, while normally he could receive a ball with his face and be totally fine afterwards.

I should’ve known something was off, but instead I didn’t even flinch at the idea of Hinata playing a match in his weak condition. It would be a practice match, but they’re still intensive especially when you run around the court like crazy, like Hinata does in every one of our competitions.

So, none of us told Hinata to take a rest now that he had cold, or maybe even flu-like symptoms. Instead we dragged him into a practice game like nothing was going on with his health.

He collapsed because of us.

He’s in the hospital because of me.

Those are the thoughts that play in my mind while I actually should be paying attention to class, I get reminded sooner than later. When my teacher slaps his hand on the table and urges my attention to the chalkboard across the room.

“Kageyama, I asked you a question,” he says, his voice loud and clear.

“Huh?” I stare at the math assignment that’s been scribbled onto the green board and wince; I have no clue how to solve this problem. Maybe I would’ve, if I’d been paying attention to class instead of thinking about a practice match gone wrong.

“Kageyama? An answer?”

His voice annoys me. I don’t have time for math when my teammate, my friend, is hospitalized.

I swallow, open my mouth and mutter the wrong answer. I don’t even try to get the right one, but it still surprises my teacher how I can be so off. He starts explaining it again, his explanation directed at me this time, so I have to pay attention for the rest of the class.

Fortunately it’s our last class of the day and after the boring and long explanation I can finally go home. Or so I thought…

“Kageyama, can you come over here?” my teacher says when I’m packing my back. His expression is grim when I reach his desk, but I just hope he won’t give me extra assignments to practice.

“Yes,” I reply, giving him a slight bow before adding, “Something wrong, sir?”

He nods. “I heard Hinata Shouyou is hospitalized, you’re pretty close to him aren’t you?”

I swallow, of course this is about Hinata.

“Pretty much, yeah.”

“I’m sorry, it must be hard to know your friend is in the hospital.” His expression is grim, but in no way sympathetic. I feel like this isn’t about me otherwise he would’ve shown more empathy.

I was right, as always, because my teacher soon says, “I have some assignments. I get Hinata’s in the hospital, but I heard over the phone that Hinata is in good enough shape to keep up with school.”

I feel like punching this guy; who gives a sick kid homework. Hinata’s in the hospital for a reason and someone with a concussion and something that sounds like a bad flu shouldn’t be doing homework.

He waves a batch of paper in front of me and asks me if I can bring it to Hinata in the hospital.

I freeze in the middle of taking the papers from him.

I haven’t been with Hinata in the hospital, not even once. I’m way too scared that he’s actually in a worse condition than everyone says. After I saw him collapsing like that, I didn’t have the guts to go by and I used school and homework to my full advantage. I didn’t make a single assignment, but at least I didn’t have to go to the hospital that way.

“Uh, I—“ I stammer, but my teacher just presses the assignments in my hands and says Hinata’s on the Short Stay Unit at our local hospital. He’s right when he says it shouldn’t be hard to find, but I still don’t really feel like going.

I drag my feet on my way outside, like walking through quicksand; my anxiety holding me back.

I try to calm down once I made my way into the bus and, with every stop that we get closer, I’m thinking more about getting out and walking back home.

But I don’t, instead I stay seated until we stop right in front of the huge white building. It looks like a hospital, in and out, and even if I didn’t know this was it I would’ve known at first sight.

I get out, swallowing thickly. I’m still not sure if I should go in our not; Hinata’s homework is basically soaked from my sweaty hands anyway, he probably won’t even be able to read some parts of it.

But he’s expecting me, so I can’t just not show up.

I take a deep breath and force myself to just walk through the big sliding doors.

All the way in the back, after going through a lot of antiseptic-smelling hallways, I end up in the SSU. Hinata should be in the second room, that much I know, but I have no clue what bed he’s in.

I stare at my feet before sliding the door to the hospital room open carefully.

He’s right there, almost right in front of the door, staring out of the window.

I didn’t expect to see Hinata right away, but he’s really there. No way to look past his bright orange curls, which look much less vibrant in this white light. The line of an IV-drip is attached to his arm and a bandage has been carefully wrapped around his head; he looks much sicker than I thought he would.

He doesn’t look like the same Hinata when I see him in the window’s reflection; there are stains of crying on his cheeks and there’s no goofy smile on his face for the first time ever.

“Hinata,” I say under my breath, not sure if I want him to hear me or not.

He hears me though, turning around slowly before looking me up and down. It takes a moment, but a tiny smile appears on his face when he says, “Oh. Hi, Kageyama.”

I look into his eyes, searching for the Hinata I know; the hyperactive and kind of annoying carrot-top. But he’s not there. I guess he hit his head pretty hard that day, because last time I saw Hinata this weak and down was after we lost a big competition.

“I’ve got your homework,” I mumble, trying not to show that I’m kind of shocked by his condition.

“Yeah, mom told me you’d drop by,” he replies, and chuckles when he adds, “I just wasn’t thinking you’d be this early. Don’t you have practice today?”

I shake my head and say Ukai told us to take a day off from practice this evening.

“Ah, but you must make sure to practice once you’re home!” Hinata orders me, and even though I object like I normally would, I’m sure I’ll have to hit some balls to get rid of this adrenaline kick.

I stay for almost an hour, even though I had planned to just drop off the homework and leave.

Hinata smiles and acts kind of normal during our conversation, but as I walk to my bus stop in the dark, I can only think about how his smile seemed so much sadder than usual.


	2. Looking Over The Mountains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe not "just a concussion"...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey There!
> 
> New chapter! Yay!  
> I guess this chapter doesn't need extra warnings, apart from the one I gave in the first authorsnote. 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Love, Noa <3

**Shouyou Hinata**

When I woke up in the hospital a week ago, I thought I’d be back out the same evening. But instead they took me in for a couple of test, which had nothing to do with a concussion, and eventually told me I had to stay a little longer. So they put me on the SSU with a couple of other people.

I’d stayed a night at a hospital before, so this wasn’t too strange.

I began doubting whether this was just a concussion when they held me here for a week.

I’ve been in the hospital with a broken leg, a bruised hand and I’ve had multiple concussions, but something was off this time. I had no hunger at all, and while I usually tend to have a headache when I’ve hit my head hard, I had no bad one this time; instead I was just constantly tired.

When I wasn’t sleeping, I was either trying to keep my nose from bleeding or massaging and stretching the muscle pains I had throughout my entire body.

Yesterday morning, only a little after I woke up from a long nap, the doctors proofed my gut-feeling to be completely right; I don’t just have a concussion or a fractured nose.

I’ve had some strange diagnosis in the past, but never in my life would I have expected this.

I should’ve known something was off when I didn’t feel like eating lots of steamed buns on my way home from practice, or when I spat blood for almost half an hour after brushing my teeth, or when I noticed strangely big bruises that couldn’t be from practice alone.

But I didn’t shrugged it off, and just head to a practice match not knowing I basically could’ve died.

Okay, I wouldn’t have died unless someone tripped over me and broke my neck, but still.

A couple of hours before Kageyama arrived to bring me my homework, I’d been told the strangest thing. Being that I had it; Cancer, the big C, or to be more specific Leukemia.

I hadn’t seen it coming, not at all. Neither had my mom, who cried the entire time she was with me during visiting hour; holding my hand while I cried and tried to process what I had just been told.

I’m sure mom cried all night, just like I did. I bet that if Natsu found out that her big brother was ill with something the both of us had only seen in tear-jerkers, she wouldn’t stop crying for months.

But she doesn’t know.

Nobody, except for mom and the nurses and I, knows; I can’t tell anyone. I physically and mentally am not able to speak the words, because I’m afraid it gets worse once I do. Like as soon as I tell someone that I’m sick, it’ll never go away not even with the best treatment, while I know that it’s just a matter of whether the Chemo will do its job or not.

The Chemo, that’s what I’ll have to put all my hope into; maybe if it works well I’ll be back at practice only a little while after the first trial has been finished. That would be the perfect scenario, and I may not even have to tell anyone that I’ve been this sick. Okay, sure, school and coach Ukai will have to be informed about my absence, but I don’t want the team to know.

That does mean that no one can visit, and I mean no one except the people that know; today I’ll be moving to the Children’s’ Oncology Ward. If someone would come by while I’m on that ward, it’ll be hard to keep my diagnosis a secret from them.

“Have you got everything, Shouyou?” mom asks me before we start walking to the door.

I look behind me, an empty bed without a pillow; my pillow, together with some clothes and my phone, are the only things that I have to take with me. Mom will bring me some more things from home, but for now this is all that I have with me since we weren’t expecting me to stay at the hospital for two, almost three, weeks.

“Yep,” I answer, smiling as I hug my pillow against my chest.

Skin on my cheeks is dry from crying all night and I’d almost say it hurts when I smile too wide.

“Good.” Mom glances at me with sympathy, before looking down at the paper in her hand. “Now where did she say that ward was again?”

Nurse Jinja, the nurse who’s going to take care of me at the new ward, has an important appointment right now. That’s why she can’t guide us to my hospital room, so she wrote it down for mom, together with all the signs that we should follow to get there.

“Let me take a look,” I say, leading closer to mom in hope to get a glance at the piece of paper. Instead of showing me, mom folds it up and says, “We’ll be able to find it.” and starts walking.

I follow her through the hallways, looking closely for signs; this doesn’t last long as I have to concentrate on getting enough oxygen sooner than later.

Just walking the length of a hallway is enough to get me completely exhausted.

“Do you need a break?” mom asks when she notices my slight wheezing.

I shake my head, wiping the sweat of my forehead and saying, “Nah, I’m fine.”

We head into the elevator not long after. I lean against the wall until the elevator doors slide open and we’ve reached the right floor.

I’m convinced we took a big detour, but we eventually make it to my own personal room.

I flop down on the bed, feeling myself bounce a little before I melt into the fresh blankets like Jell-O.

“This is a nice room,” mom says while drawing the curtains so she can see the view. “Look how beautiful, Shouyou, you can see the mountains from here.”

I nod before pressing my face into the blankets and in muffled speech I tell her I love the room. It’s a little exaggerated, but a hospital stay can be much worse than one where you have a personal bedroom with a stunning view, if I say so myself.

Mom chuckles lightly before sitting down next to me on the bed. She’s extremely careful when she tousles my hair, like she’s scared I might break if she is as rough with me as she usually is.

“You’re my strong little boy, Shouyou,” she whispers, I can hear she’s trying her best to hold back tears. “I know you can get through this.”

I swallow thickly; it’s strange to hear her say it out loud like that. It’s clear to me that she’s trying her best to be there for me now, just like she was there for me whenever I had to train my hardest for a tournament. Even when I know she hasn’t, it just sounds more like she’s already given up on me.

Fortunately I don’t have to deal with the awkward aftermath of that, because a knock on the door causes both of us to completely forget about what mom said.

“Shouyou Hinata, can I come inside?” a kind female voice asks from behind the closed door.

“Yep!” I reply, sitting back up again with my knees hugged to my chest.

A young woman walks into the room and, when she introduces herself of Sakura Jinja, I realize she’s the nurse who’s going to help me win from this disease.

“You’ll see me every day at least once,” she says with a kind smile, and something in the tone she uses makes me think that’s she’s used to working with kids instead of teenagers. “You’ve already been talked through the treatment and the expected lasting of your stay, am I right?”

I nod, because they’ve told me everything from what my disease actually is all the way to the drugs that will be in my chemo-cocktail; not that I remember everything they told me, but I think I understand the big lines of what they told me. And I always have mom and nurse Jinja to remember the other, more specific, information for me.

She repeats a couple of things, like how my stay is going to be three to five weeks and that I’ll be having multiple types of drugs and lots of rounds of chemotherapy in that time; this will have some annoying and possibly painful side-effects, but nurse Jinja says that I can get through that.

“So, now that that’s out of the way,” she says, after also giving me a brief recap. “How do you like your room, Shouyou? Can I call you Shouyou?”

I nod, telling her I don’t mind being on first name basis, before adding, “I like the view. I bike over those mountains every morning when I go to school, it’s great training!”

Nurse Jinja chuckles and starts talking with me about some unimportant things.

After making small talk, her face grows a little more serious as she introduces the subject “my first round of chemo”. She tells me that we’ll start with it today, it’s smart to start as soon as possible.

Before, I thought it would be an anxious time for me, now that I’m hospitalized and diagnosed. But now that she’s said that I’m more nervous than I’ve ever been before.


	3. When Loneliness Hits Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama feels so alone...

**Tobio Kageyama**

It’s still basically dark when I arrive at school in the early morning hours.   
Today is like any other Monday morning; I got up early for practice and went right to school, eating breakfast on the way here.

As soon as I reach the school’s gym, though, I notice that some things are off.

Before the weekend things were off too, but at least everyone seemed somewhat calm under the circumstances. Today my whole team, including me, is anxious as Hinata still hasn’t returned.

Only a few of my teammates are already here, but that isn’t even the strangest. As I’m taking off my outdoor shoes in the doorway, I hear a little of the conversation that Daichi, Sugawara, Tanaka and Tsukishima are holding in the corner of the hall.

“Apparently Hinata is going to stay at the hospital a little longer,” Daichi announces to them, his uncertain voice tells me that he’s probably just found out himself. “I thought he would be back today, but coach Ukai said they want to keep him a few more nights.”

Sugawara replies that he’s wondering what’s wrong, and he sounds shocked. It’s kind of a shock to me too, to my brain mostly; it immediately goes to the worst case scenarios like _what if Hinata got brain damage from falling so hard_ or worse. It won’t be like that, I know when I tell myself to think rationally, but it’s still hard to see why they would keep Hinata at the hospital for so long otherwise.

“How can this kid possibly have such a huge concussion?” Tanaka asks, sounding genuinely confused about the whole thing. “I mean, he’s received with his face so many times; no way he gets hospitalized for falling on it once.”

“Yeah, but did you see how awfully hard he went flying into the floor?” Tsukishima chuckles in a kind of nasty way, but there’s a slight worried look on his usually so calm face when he adds, “I’ve never seen someone slam themselves face first into the floor right after jumping up to spike.”

He’s right; I might not have seen it since I had my back turned to Hinata when it happened, but apparently he lost conscious while jumping up, causing him to leap a little before slamming against the polyurethane floor at full pace.

I walk through the gym hall, noticing how empty is seems when Hinata’s not being hyper and making loud sounds while jumping all over the place. I never would’ve guessed I’d miss the annoying bastard.

“Maybe you shouldn’t make jokes about it,” Daichi tells Tanaka and Tsukishima. “I mean, coach Ukai looked pretty serious when he told me Hinata wouldn’t be back for a while.”

I hesitate for a moment before joining the conversation too, asking whether coach Ukai told Daichi why Hinata would be staying away longer. Now that I’ve seen how unhappy Hinata seems at that hospital, I feel like the whole situation hits me even harder than I thought it would; I don’t want his smile to look that sad any longer.

Daichi sighs while shaking his head worriedly. “I know nothing.”

I lower my gaze, balling my fists; I have to know, I need to know why they want to keep Hinata in a place that awful even longer than they already have. I can’t accept it if it’s just for a concussion.

A loud good morning coming from outside startles me, shaking me out of my thoughts.

I turn around to see Asahi and Nishinoya standing in the doorway. Nishinoya immediately asks if Hinata has already returned, and when they finds out he hasn’t, Asahi says, “Will he be back quick enough to start practicing for our upcoming tournament, do you think?”.

My gaze turns to Daichi, just like everyone else’s.

He shrugs sadly, but Sugawara smiles instead. “Don’t worry about that for now, it’s still a couple of months until the Spring Tournament.” Sugawara looks me right into the eyes, because he knows that if Hinata doesn’t return this puts me at a disadvantage the most, and adds, “I’m sure he’ll be completely back to normal by then.”

I close my eyes briefly, forcing myself to relax; Sugawara’s probably right.

Not long after that we start practice, which calms me down a little. The ball seems to fit my hands perfectly today, which makes me calmer; not everything is off today.

I throw the ball in the air a few times before practicing my serve a couple of times before going on to making some practice spikes and receives; but I subconsciously seem to stay far away from setting.

Sugawara reminds me that I’m the team’s setter by telling me that I should practice my sets too.

“Even if Hinata’s not here,” he says, giving me a calm pat on the back. “You should make sure to adjust to the rest of the team too. So please practice your sets too, Kageyama.”

I swallow thickly, staring at the floor while going over my options; I could just not practice my sets, but that would make me rusty. Who knows what happens if I practice them now? Not me.

I twirl the ball in my hand while taking a calm breath; I can do this.

When I’m walking up to the net with the ball in my hand, I feel like I’m reliving that day over again.

I twirl the ball in my hand again, saying in my louder voice, “Yachi, can you throw me a ball?”

Yachi looks up with big eyes, like a deer in headlights. She’s somehow even more on edge now Hinata isn’t here, I’m thinking maybe she saw him as her protection.

“Y-Yeah sure,” she replies before telling me to give her the ball. She actually catches it.

From the side line, she shouts, “Here it goes!”

I look up at the falling ball. It’s like it’s floating in the air, frozen in place like it was that day.

I have all the time to think, since it’s a high toss.

Now no one except Yachi is paying attention to me, but that afternoon everyone’s eyes were locked on me; no one was paying attention to Hinata. He must’ve been paler than any time before.

They would’ve noticed that he was feeling sick if they’d just been paying more attention to him. But then again, I was standing with my back towards him entirely; not aware until it was too late.

The ball comes closer, it’s falling; just like Hinata was.

I close my eyes, trying to get the images to leave. They have to leave if I want to stay the setter.

_You’re being overdramatic!_ I tell myself while angling my hand to set the ball correctly. _Hinata isn’t dead or anything, it’s just a concussion! That’s all, just a little concussion!_

My fingers touch the spinning ball and I notice how it fits in my hands perfectly; I can do this.

A quick set flies along the length of the net, it stops in the right place… but no one’s there to spike it.

It’s like a punch to my guts; such a perfect set is going to waste.

Of course there isn’t anyone to spike it, no one can hit my sets. No one but him.

I stare at my feet, breathing so heavily that my vision gets blurry every once in a while. And this feeling, a strange feeling like knot has been made inside of me, fills me. It fills me, but I still feel empty like I’m missing part of me.

I clench my fists when I realize I’ve just subconsciously admitted that he, the wild child, is part of _me_. I just admitted that I miss him, that even in this huge team, I feel lonely when Hinata’s not beside me.

“Hinata,” I whisper so silently that no one can hear me. “Please, just come back soon.”


	4. Black Cats Have Constant Strain On Their Wrists

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like the title says:  
> Black cats have a constant strain on their wrists.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey There!
> 
> See the end note for a BIG announcement!
> 
> Love, Noa <3

**Shouyou Hinata**

Some days I feel like crap, others I feel okay; that much I know after being on chemo for an entire week. On the shit days I feel like lying in bed and sleeping all day, maybe I’ll watch a movie with Natsu when I’m awake, but I mainly sleep and vomit a lot.

On good days, like today, I play games on my phone or maybe I’ll go out of my room to wander through the hallways. Today I felt like getting out of bed more than any other of my good days.

I only feel a little less energetic today, maybe a little dizzy, but not at all bad. That’s why I’m humming softly as I explore every corner of the hospital.

I’m even energetic enough to start skipping in the long hallway, but I come to a sudden stop when I see pitch black hair sticking out from behind a couple of plants. He’s not far from me, not at all.

I’m hoping it’s not who I think it is, but I still try to hide as well as I can.

“Oh, hi Hinata.” a muttered voice greets me.

I look right into them, two golden cat-like eyes. They’re a little less sharp than usually, but it’s immediately clear that it’s Kenma hiding underneath those layers of t-shirts, hoodie and a coat.

Kuroo looks down at me and chuckles before asking what I’m doing on the floor.

“O-huh?” I reply, my cheeks getting all warm as I realize that I was trying to hide from Kuroo by crouching down to where Kenma’s feet are. “I-I was looking for… uh—“

I get up quicker than I should have, causing the world to spin around me. Once the world has stopped turning, I play off Kuroo’s question by nonchalantly knocking the dust off my sweatpants and saying, “I didn’t know you would be here.”

I look for signs, anything that will tell me why Nekoma’s players are here instead of at school. That’s when I see the white bandage that’s been carefully wrapped around Kenma’s hand.

“Oh my god!” I shriek, pointing at the hurt hand, which Kenma’s trying to hide in the sleeve of his oversized hoodie. “What happened to your hand!?”

Kenma tries to hide it even more. His cheeks turn a deep shade of red when Kuroo says, “The dumdum has pulled a couple of all-nighters so he could finish some game.”

“It’s not just some game,” Kenma mumbles, his expression slightly offended.

“It’s just any other game, Kenma.” Kuroo waves with his hand, almost like telling Kenma to shut up, before saying, “Anyway, he played way too long and apparently has gotten himself a bad case of gamers’ wrists.” He tousles Kenma’s hair teasingly, but Kenma doesn’t look like he enjoys it.

“Will you be okay?” I ask.

“Sure,” Kenma replies. “They did some thingies, so I’ll be fine.”

“With _thingies_ he means he just had surgery and won’t be able to play volleyball for a while,” Kuroo explains his expression and tone much more serious now. It is serious, since Kenma is their setter after all and with the spring tournaments coming up everyone should try to be in their best shape.

“I told you,” Kenma mumbles, cradling his injured hand. “I’ll be fine.”

Kuroo looks from his small friend to me and asks why I’m still at the hospital. “I thought you’d be back doing volleyball again by now.”

They don’t know no one except a couple of people know.

“Oh.” I force a smile on my face, shrugging it off like I’m not fighting something life-threatening. “It was a concussion! I’m just here for a checkup.”

Kuroo nods, but somehow his eyes make me feel like he doesn’t believe me. He looks a little worried, maybe even scared. “Just make sure you don’t do the same in our next match, okay?” He grins. “You and your murder of crows still have to beat us cats, you know.”

I nod, turning to Kenma; I want to tell him to get back to practicing as soon as his hand is okay again, so that way we can beat them in a fair way, but a sudden nausea keeps me from speaking.

I can’t say anything, my stomach is turning itself inside out.

_You can’t just puke here!_ I yell at myself, trying to think of ways to escape from this conversation without making it clear I was lying. _Go… somewhere… just leave!_

My stomach growls, like a lion, I know I have to make a run for it if I don’t want to puke over myself in the middle of this hallway. And at that, I start running; I barely hear Kuroo calling for me as I make a sharp turn straight into the nearest bathroom.

I can’t even take the time to lock the door behind me; I just immediately fall onto the floor.

I shake heavily as jolts of pain that rush through me cause everything that once was inside of me to land straight into the toilet. And with every new wave, I feel more dizzy… worse and worse until minutes later I’m finally feeling good enough to stop clinging onto the bowl like it’s my best friend.

I take my hand past my mouth; maybe not the best idea since I just vomited up all of today’s meals.

Blood smears across the entire length of my hand. I don’t know what makes me more afraid, the fact that I’m having a bloody nose again or that the sight of blood doesn’t even scare me anymore.

It’s when I look into the toilet bowl, and I see blood mixed in with my half-digested breakfast, that I feel like something isn’t alright. Even though I read in one of the pamphlets nurse Jinja gave me that chemotherapy can cause you to bleed more, I don’t like the thought of vomiting up blood as well.

As quickly as I possibly can I flush it all away, like it never even happened.

I wash the blood and other filth off my face and hands, before looking at myself in the mirror. Even with a clean face, I look like I just returned from living on the streets for a decade. My skin is paler than I’ve ever seen it, it wouldn’t surprise me if some people would call it transparent.

Fortunately my hair, including my eyebrows, hasn’t started falling out yet, otherwise the dark circles under my eyes would be the only thing on my face that isn’t ghost-like white.

I splash some more water in my face, trying to wake me up from the trance that I got caught in while staring at my warped reflection. The water helps a little, since at least I’m able to tell myself to stop spacing out like that. “It’s just temporarily, so stop being all sappy, Shouyou!”

_I’m still hecking handsome!_ I tell myself before I smile at my reflection; it’s nice to see that smile no matter how small it is, before walking out of the bathroom.

“Good afternoon, Shouyou.”

I feel like I’m having a heart attack when the deep feminine voice sounds from right behind me. I turn around, ready to attack whomever dares to scare me when I’m such a vulnerable state; no one should try to jumps care someone when they’re just walking out of a bathroom.

I glare at the woman for almost an entire second before realizing its nurse Jinja; she looks so different when she’s not wearing her hair in a ponytail.

The skin around them wrinkles as she chuckles softly. “You are kind of jumpy and energetic.”

I grin wide and scratch the back of my head while bragging about how I’ve been feeling good today. It’s a lie, because I’m already feeling the fatigue and dizziness kick in again; the relief of throwing up didn’t last long as per usual.

“I see,” she replies, her eyes full disbelieve when she asks me why I was running to the bathroom with a hand wrapped over my mouth. “I thought you were feeling well today?”

I look down at my feet. I must’ve passed her in the hallway, and even if I hadn’t I’m sure nurse Jinja can see through my cheap lies like a recently cleaned window.

“Okay, maybe I’m not feeling the best I ever have.” I close my eyes briefly before adding, “But I am feeling better than I did yesterday and the day before.”

She nods in that calm and understanding way, but her expression stays worried.

“I-Is something wrong?” I ask her when she stays awfully silent.

“Nothing in particular, I just had a conversation with your mother while you were sleeping yesterday.” She looks at me, her expression stern. “She told me you hope to be playing at a volleyball match in Spring. I thought you should know that this may not be entirely possible.”

I frown at her, stammering that she told me the first chemo treatment would only last three to five weeks. “The qualifiers for the Spring Tournament is in August, that’s still so far away.”

She shakes her head and carefully tells me that if the first round of chemo is enough to beat the Leukemia, I’ll still need time to recover. “Rest is your main recovery point, you should focus on getting enough rest for a couple of months at least.”

“But—“ My voice falters, because deep down I know she’s right.

Still, how can I leave my team like that; I can’t just let them play the match without me. They won’t have me, their ultimate distraction. And Kageyama. I didn’t even think of him, but he’ll be taken off the game for sure. No one but me can hit Kageyama’s sets better than they can with Sugawara’s.

“Understand, Shouyou?” 

I nod, but I also have to keep my hopes up; I know I can fight hard. Just watch me beat Cancer’s ass in no time and get back in shape before anyone even notices I’ve been out of the game for a while.

I turn my back to her, ready to walk all the way back to my room; I can stay in shape by taking the stairs instead of the elevator and—

“Oh, and Shouyou,” nurse Jinja adds. “I’m not saying you have to, but I think it would be a lot easier on you, _and_ on your friends as well, if you told them instead of keeping it a secret.”

A shiver runs down my spine and my first thought makes her out for a crazy person.

It’s hours after our conversation, when I realize she may be kind of right about it; maybe I should break the news to my friends after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey There!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> As for the big announcement:  
> I'm going to do a shipbruary this year. Meaning, I'll be posting 1 short ship fic for EVERY day of the month February!
> 
> If you feel like to choose to read from 28 different fanfictions, of different fandoms and with different ships; make sure to check out   
> "Love Blossoms Earlier Than The Flowers Of A Cherry Tree"  
> TOMORROW!
> 
> Love, Noa <3


	5. What A Terrible Day For Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobio notices something's wrong when Ukai has a huge announcement to make.

**Tobio Kageyama**

I’m just doing my usual stretch routine when suddenly everything seems different. It’s almost like I immediately get sick when coach Ukai tells all of us to gather around.

I’ve been having an unpleasant feeling in my gut all morning, like today I’m going to hear or see something that will turn my life upside down. Not that I know what coach Ukai is going to announce, but whatever it may be, he looks serious and maybe even sad about it.

_Maybe it’s a new set-up for the matches?_ I think to myself as I sit down close to where coach Ukai is standing. _Maybe I won’t be in the starters set-up now._

“Everyone’s here, right?” coach Ukai asks, looking around the group. “Everyone except Hinata.”

“Yes,” Daichi replies when no one else does. Yet he sounds unsure; not about if everyone is here, but probably because he also feels deep inside his gut that those black circles underneath coach Ukai’s eyes tell us this isn’t going to be some sort of good news.

“Okay, right.” Coach Ukai looks down at his feet, and I hear some of my teammates whisper to each other; they speak about how this doesn’t sound good. “I have some important news.”

Sugawara sticks his hand in the air, it’s shaking. “It has to do with Hinata, hasn’t it?”

I swallow thickly when coach Ukai nods and takes a deep breath.

“Yes, it has to do with Hinata.” Ukai swallows audibly before piercing a spear through my heart by saying the worst he could’ve said right now. “Hinata has Cancer.”

I feel like puking, the completely world is getting dishoarded as big waves of pain hit me.

_People die from Cancer daily. Hinata has Cancer._

I stare at my hands, which are trembling, as Ukai explains more; I can barely hear him through the loud noise that fills my head.

_Hinata could die._

A hand taps on my shoulder. I look beside me where Daichi is sitting, a worried look on his dishoarded face. Everything gets blurry when he asks me if I’m alright, a wet thing traces down my cheek.

I shake my head; of course I’m not alright.

_Hinata could die._

I don’t know how I got to this point, but I end up running away. Just racing out of the hall, into the late-Spring rain washes away any proof that I’m crying. I slide down the slippery stairs, but I don’t feel any pain; I just feel the urge to get far away from everyone that knows.

I need to be on my own.

Completely alone.

I collapse somewhere, I don’t even know where I’ve ended up. I couldn’t even care about where I am right now, as long as I’m not anywhere near coach Ukai, or the team, or… Hinata.

Sobs escape from my mouth as I bury my face in the muddy grass.

He can’t be serious, Hinata can’t have something that deadly. It just isn’t possible.

_Don’t worry._ I tell myself, trying my best to hold down today’s breakfast. _Hinata will just be back tomorrow. He’ll train with you and be all hyper as he usually is._

I nod calmly; that must be the case. Ukai just understood wrong, they didn’t tell him Hinata has Cancer, they told him Hinata is coming back to school, but they had very bad connection.

My stomach turns inside out, causing the little food that I ate to come out; I know it isn’t true, I’m just trying to make myself feel better. And now I feel even worse, as I hurl up gastric acid.

“Dude, are you okay?” Tanaka’s voice sounds in the near distance.

They followed me, I realize. I shrink back into the muddy grass, spitting out the sour phlegm.

Sugawara, Daichi and Tanaka all crouch down beside me. Suagawara lays his hand on my back and rubs it carefully while asking me, “Kageyama, are you okay?”

I nod, but my eyes are still filled with tears; I’m nowhere near okay.

“You can’t just run off like that,” Daichi says in a stern, yet worried, voice. “Look, we know it’s a hard pill to swallow. But you’re really worrying us, Kageyama.”

I look up at him, wondering how _I_ am the one they’re worried about and not Hinata, who’s literally hospitalized because he’s sick with one of the most known death causes. It almost makes me furious that they’re more worried about me than they are about our hyperactive sunshine.

“S-sorry,” I stammer, because I’m too exhausted to go in against them.

Daichi takes a deep breath. “It doesn’t matter, just don’t run off like that again, okay?”

I nod once.

“Oh, uh guys?” Tanaka says in a loud whisper. “Should we ask him to go with us?”

I frown at them. My three upperclassmen look so guilty right after Tanaka says that, but they soon get their act together again and ask me whether I want to join them. “We’re going to visit Hinata now that school hasn’t started yet,” Daichi explains. “We still have a couple of hours.”

I want to shake my head, but my body appears frozen. I don’t know if I can handle seeing Hinata right now, so soon after finding out that he’s basically dying… I just can’t.

I end up saying “yes” anyway.

_How did I end up in this situation?_ I ask myself as the four of us are walking over the hospital’s parking lot. But there’s no use in wondering how, I know exactly why I said yes; my brain was playing games with me. It was showing me images of Hinata.

He looked so weak, so grey and thin, almost like a skeleton. In my imagination he was pulling on his own hair, so frustrated and angry and broken about me not coming by; telling me over and over again that I ruined my last chance and that I wouldn’t see him anymore if I didn’t go now.

The images now haunt my mind and all I hope, as we’re walking towards the reception, is that Hinata isn’t looking that bad. I would probably hurl up whatever is left of my breakfast if that’s the case.

My heart is beating like crazy when we reach his room; I think my chest might explode.

Daichi’s soft knocks on the door still manage to scare the crap out of me. I have no clue why I’m so jumpy right now, while at the same time I know that seeing the circumstances I have all right to be.

“Are you awake, Hinata?” Daichi carefully asks. “It’s us, Kageyama, Sugawara, Tanaka and Daichi.”

“Ah, I didn’t know you were coming by.” Hinata’s voice sounds less energetic than it normally does, it almost sounds dry and hoarse if you ask me. “You can come inside, I’m awake and dressed.”

I hear a soft chuckle right before Daichi opens the door and an estranged scene unfolds in front of my eyes; Hinata’s lying in another hospital bed, his skin paler than I’ve ever seen it.

“Hi, guys.” He waves weakly with a sheepish smile on his face.

Tanaka visually hesitates before flopping down on a chair and joking about Hinata looking like crap.

He’s not wrong, Hinata’s lost quite a lot of weight and the little muscles he had build up with volleyball practice have already withered away; he looks tiny in his multiple layers of clothes.

“S-so, how have you been doing?” Sugawara stammers while also getting himself a folding chair.

Hinata’s smile falters, but he soon gets his act back together. “Oh, me? Been better, but I’ll be okay.”

I stare at my feet, because his smile is even sadder. I have to hold back my tears, because his smile looks so sad. I know that it’s because both of us know it; Hinata isn’t okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey There!
> 
> So, like I said I'm now working on a romance one-shot book. You can read 28 fanfictions of different genres and fandoms and ships.  
> If you're interested check out [Love Blossoms Earlier Than The Pink Flowers Of A Cherry Tree](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29130111)!
> 
> Love, Noa <3
> 
> (yes, I finally learned how links work in AO3 hahaha, nailed it)


	6. Like a Storm cloud Blocking the Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama feels like his world is growing darker now that Hinata's not there... it's like a storm cloud's blocking his sunshine.

**Tobio Kageyama**

A sudden call in the late hours of a rainy afternoon scared me half to death.

Half, because I was scared that something had happened to Hinata.

Only half, because Hinata just called to ask if I could drop in this evening.

He told me that normally his mother would come by on Fridays. She apparently brings him food every evening, since Hinata barely is able to hold down the hospital food.

But not tonight. Tonight he wants his sister and mother to finally have a nice evening for the first time in three weeks. I guess Hinata feels pretty bad about being sick; even when he shouldn’t.

I told him that I could pick up the food at his house and cycle to the hospital, which is what I’ve done. I didn’t feel like saying yes, not because I have anything else to do, but because I’m still uncomfortable about seeing him when he’s in the hospital.

Almost an entire school week has gone by since last time I saw him; what if he lost even more weight, or he’s suddenly bald now… I’m just scared every time I think about it.

But here I am anyway, flying downhill on my bicycle, with some clean clothes and a bucket of vegetable soup in my backpack. I have to race towards the hospital, because with this cold weather the soup may be cold before I even reach the hospital. But going this fast is kind of dangerous.

Fortunately I reach the hospital without any incidents and the pressure of wanting to give Hinata the soup while it’s still warm makes it easier to storm into his room without having doubts.

“Good morning!?” Hinata squeaks, his voice making it clear that my sudden entrance scared him.

I take a moment to catch my breath and before closing the door I mumble, “It’s evening.”

I sit down next to his bed calmly, and take the soup out of my back. The container feels kind of warm, still, so I hand it to Hinata.

“I-It’s still warm?” he asks, perking the little eyebrows he still has at me.

I cross my arms and mutter, “Yeah, why else do you think I raced all the way here?”

Hinata snorts and when he says he literally has a microwave _in_ his room, I feel like disappearing; I couldn’t have been more ashamed right now.

“Anyway,” Hinata replies, taking the lid off the little plastic container. “I’m glad you got here safe, with nice warm vegetable soup.” I place his hands together and whispers, “Thank you for the food.”

His eyes go slightly sad after he does that, almost like he wished he could sit at his table at home instead of inside this hospital room, balancing the soup in his lap.

“So, how’s school? Practice?” Hinata asks, his expression back to its bright self again. “Has anything fun happened while I’m away?” He pauses to giggle. “Let me guess, Ukai probably got a girlfriend by now and he has his head all up in the clouds?”

I shake my head.

“Hmm, maybe.” Hinata thinks deeply. “Noya came up with a new special move!”

“Nope,” I reply, staring down at my lap. “Look, nothing happened okay!”

He doesn’t realize that nothing fun happened while he’s away. Nothing is fun when he’s not around. I don’t know why, but I don’t see anything as bright when he’s not around; like there’s a storm cloud blocking out all the sunshine that used to be there all day.

“Oh, okay.” Hinata’s smile falters for a second.

We both stay silent, I watch him eat his soup with a sad expression on his face. I now notice how whenever he’s smiling he’s just putting a brave face on so no one sees this side of him.

He laughs from time to time, which I believe to be real smiles. But whenever he’s just smiling in between sad gazes, that hurts, because it isn’t the Shouyou Hinata I know so well.

I see it again, the sad stare, when he’s done eating just a little while later.

He’s just puts down his soup like I guess he normally does. But before laying back on his propped up pillow, he combs with his hand through his orange curls. Just like that he’s suddenly holding an entire handful of loose hair; they just came out of his head like they weren’t even stuck anymore.

He glares at it intensely, his eyes filled with fear and sadness as he quickly lets go of them. The orange hair falls to the ground and lies there silently.

I’m silent too, staring at the floor; the curls which are a big part of Hinata’s identity falling off him.

_After all of this_ , I wonder, _will Hinata still be the same person?_

The thought scares me, anxiety rising up my throat in the form of sour acid. I bite the inside of my cheek, forcing myself not to cry or give into the fears that are pinning me down.

“K-Kageyama?” Hinata’s voice startles me, even when it’s very soft.

I look up, right into his brown eyes. They’re filled to the brim with tears, but none of them dare to slip down his ghostly pale cheeks.

“Can you visit me more often?” he whispers.

I stare at him in disbelieve; how can he ask this. How? Is this fun to him, because I know for a fact that my presence isn’t something you should ask for?

People want me gone, far away, that’s why I decided that it’s the same for Hinata. He doesn’t want to see my moody face when he’s already feeling this down; I’m only making him feel worse.

But it’s also for a selfish reason; I’m terrified of visiting him, over and over again. This is why, while the rest of the team drops in almost every day, I’m here for the second time; I’m too weak to face my own fears… and right now, seeing Hinata in such a bad state is one of them.

“Could you fricking answer!” Hinata yells, slamming his hands onto his lap.

My eyes jolt back up, staring at Hinata’s furious face; he’s completely red as the tears start to pour.

“Why don’t you just visit more often?” he cries. “Do you not care about me at all?”

I shake my head, tears causing my vision to blur. “I do.”

I care way too much for Hinata, more than I would’ve ever thought I did; I don’t want to see him like this because it feels like part of me is withering away bit by bit.

“Than why do you _never_ drop in, huh?”

I clench my hands into fists. “Because I’m scared.” My nails dig into my skin when I finally blurt, “I’m terrified that I’m going to lose you, Hinata!” followed by a wave of tears rushing down my cheeks.

“Could you all just stop acting like I’ll die! Because I am _not_!” Hinata shrieks, his voice so high-pitched it hurts my ears. “You all look so gloomy all the time. Just be the annoying Kageyama I know, the one that scolds me and gets all cranky whenever I speak.” I blinks, tears fall down onto his lap as he cries, “Just stop acting like you’re at a damn funeral.”

I stare at Hinata as his face grows gloomy rather than furious. It’s covered with red lines and splotches from crying, and his voice is hoarse from screaming when he softly apologizes. “Chemo’s just got me on edge.” He swallows audibly. “I shouldn’t have flipped out like that.”

I shake my head softly, thanking him under my breath; he opened up my mind.

I was being selfish, and now that he has scared away that gloomy storm cloud I might be able to let the bright sunlight back in.


	7. The Honor of Shaving My Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shouyou's orange hair starts falling...

**Shouyou Hinata**

“ _Bring a razor, Tanaka_.” That’s the last message I send in the group chat this morning.

We made one chat with everyone of the team so they can let me know whenever they’re dropping in. Sometimes they come by when I’m sleeping, sometimes I’m wide awake and we play games or chat until it’s time for them to go again.

Now that we have a group chat, Kageyama comes with the rest of the team too sometimes.

And today, every one of my friends will visit me for this special occasion; I’m finally going to shave all of the clumpy orange curls off.

My hair has been gradually falling out over the course of the past week. I’ve lost one and a half eyebrow and I don’t even want to know how naked the rest of my body is without the orange fuzz sticking out of my pale skin. But my usually so thick head-hair is what worries me the most; it’s become so thin and bald spots are already appearing. It looks very ugly.

I might even look better without it now, at least it won’t be all patchy. Thus I’ve decided to get all of them together for the big activity of shaving my head completely bald. I just want to get rid of it.

I haven’t told mom I’ll be getting rid of my orange curls, which she loves so much she seemed so sad when I started losing them, but I guess she’ll see it when she drops in tonight.

There’s a knock on the door, and I know I don’t have time to hesitate about it any longer; my friends have arrived. They barge into my room more loudly than they normally do, probably because I told them I’m having a good day today and I won’t be sleeping during the daytime.

“I brought my razor, as you asked,” Tanaka shouts, holding a bag in the air.

“Shhhhh, Tanaka,” Asahi whisper-shouts. “It’s still a hospital, you know?”

Tanaka rolls his eyes at Asahi before opening his mouth to speak, Nishinoya is quicker though. “And we also brought you a special something,” he squeaks, gesturing at the bag.

Tanaka throws the back at me right before all of them take place somewhere in my room; most of them on chairs like normal people, but Tanaka and Nishinoya both sit down on the extra bed my mother can use whenever she wants to stay with me all night.

“Oeh, excited!” I reply, pulling a present out of the bag. “What will it be?”

Everyone’s eyes are locked on me and I’m convinced they put money together to buy whatever is inside of this present. What I deserve a present for, who knows, but it is special to me.

I unpack it and within no time a wool hat appears underneath the wrapping. It’s almost the exact same color of my hair. It has swirls all over, beautifully braided onto the wool surface.

“Thank you so much.” I hug the hat to my chest, smiling wide; I may not have hair anymore after today, but at least I’ll still be able to have something orange on me at all time.

“It’s cool right?” Tanaka asks. He’s gleaming when he adds, “Came up with it all by myself.”

“It was Kageyama’s idea, actually,” Sugawara corrects Tanaka. “We just asked you to buy it, since you wear hats more than any of us do, Tanaka.”

“W-whatever!” Tanaka replies, shrugging it off like he’s still the one that came up with the idea.

I glance at Kageyama, who’s sitting on the other side of the room. His eyes meet mine and he blushes a little when I thank him for the hat.

“I just thought you would look strange without your stupid carrot hair.” Kageyama pouts and crosses his arms, causing Yamaguchi to burst out in laughter when Tsukishima says something about Kageyama being quite the tsundere right now. I can’t blame Tsukishima for saying that, but Kageyama doesn’t seem too happy about the comment that has been made about him.

Fortunately for him, everyone’s attention returns to me sooner than later, when Daichi asks me who should be the one to shave my head. I think everyone knows I would do it myself, but since sadly I can’t reach the back of my head I really need someone’s help.

“Who wants to have the honor of shaving it off?” I ask, looking around the group, but no one nods. I stare down at my lap, of course no one wants to have to do that. I clench my fists and punch the air softly before pointing at Kageyama, “You came up with the hat idea, so you shave it!”

Maybe it’s a bad choice to let someone as aggressive has him have a weapon like a razor so close to my head. But it’s better than letting someone do it that’d make a joke of it, looking at you Tanaka and Nishinoya, at least I know Kageyama is a complete perfectionist; he won’t let a single hair escape from downfall. And he’s too cranky to joke about taking away my hair anyway.

“Kageyama, you’re the chosen one.” Tanaka says, bowing in front of him while presenting him the razor with pride. Nishinoya follows Tanaka’s example and also sits down in front of Kageyama before adding, “You may shave off Hinata’s most handsome trait, please do a good job.”

Daichi walks up to my bed and whispers, “You sure you don’t want to let Yachi or Kiyoko do it?”

I glance at the two girls who are seated just behind the row of guys, tucked away to the back of the small hospital room. They would be a good option, Daichi is right, but some voice in the back of my head is telling me to let Kageyama do it. Why? I have no damn clue.

“Nah, Kageyama’s fine,” I say, waving Kageyama over to me. Just before he reaches my bed with the razor, Daichi sits back in his chair and mumbles, “Your funeral.”

I chuckle lightly, but I know that I made the right choice. So I tell Kageyama to shave it all off as quick as he can; that way I won’t have to bare seeing the orange hair fall for too long.

He does as I ask, but I see him hesitating before placing the zooming thing against my head. I can basically feel his hands tremble as he scrapes it over my raw skin, much careful than I’d ever expected from someone as rough and uncareful as Kageyama.

I see the curls falling onto the bedding, all clumped together as it detaches from my head. It hurts with every hair that falls down, but eventually it stops; the pain stops at the same moment the razor stops zooming. It’s almost as if time just stops for a moment as I stare down at the pile of hair.

“Do you want to see what it looks like?” Kageyama asks me in a much calmer voice than I expected. I’ve never had him talk that calm to me before. He isn’t even frowning when I turn around and nod. Something about him has gotten so much softer, even after I told him to act like his usual self again he doesn’t, but I’m not mad at him now; I think I like this soft version of him, as long as he’s not sad.

Sugawara hands Kageyama a little mirror they must’ve brought, and Kageyama holds it in front of me. I stare at him longer, just staring into his eyes because I don’t want to see how awful I look.

“No need to be afraid, Hinata,” Kiyoko softly whisper-shouts from across the room. She sounds shy and calm as usual until she adds, “You still look better than Tanaka.”

“Hey!” Tanaka immediately shouts. “That isn’t true.”

Kiyoko nudges Yachi and giggles before winking at me kindly; she’s way too good at encouraging people to do things they’re afraid off. So I get my courage back together and peek at myself.

A pale bald boy is looking back at me, he looks much younger than fifteen. He looks scared and maybe even a little sad as his brown eyes take in the sight of his hairless head.

I look up, not knowing what to say about this. I’m completely speechless; not because I’m not content with the end-result, or because I like it so much… it’s complete indifference that I have towards the bald head, which scares me even more than either loving or hating it.

Before I can say anything though, Kageyama makes a sudden move; pulling the hat they bought me over my bald head without hesitating to pull it over my eyes.

The room is silent, apart from my own laughter as I peek from underneath the hat.

I don’t know why I’m suddenly in hysterics, why I’m feeling this warm and fuzzy in the inside. But when I look at Kageyama’s awkward expression and he mumbles, “You look okay, but just wear the hat to not get cold, okay?” I can’t help but not care about the lost hair anymore.

This is just who I am now, my outside may be totally different when there’s no orange hair to be seen, but that’s just a part of healing from this stupid disease. So it’s okay, as long as I will make sure not to change from the inside at all.


	8. The Final Drip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes all that's needed is that one last thing to send someone over the edge.

**Tobio Kageyama**

It was a pleasant surprise when I got a text message from Hinata this weekend.

After five weeks of having chemotherapy at the hospital, he’d finally been allowed to go home. As soon as he got home, he texted us a selfies of himself and his younger sister. Hinata bedroom was clearly in the background, as a proof that he actually had gotten home.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. And I barely could hold in a shriek of happiness when I saw it.

That was Sunday, the day that Hinata finally got home; possibly Cancer-free.

Today is Monday, and I notice how practice is slowly driving me crazy bit by bit. I’m being pushed to my limit, just because even when Hinata’s home, he still can’t come to practice. Coach Ukai told us, this morning, that Hinata isn’t coming back again this year; apparently the nurses got Hinata to agree on giving up on volleyball for this year. He’s just too weak to play.

It hurt me when the words left coach Ukai’s mouth, like someone was stabbing me. Volleyball isn’t the same when Hinata isn’t bouncing all over the place. It’s totally different.

Therefore, practice felt awful today, even worse than it did in the time that Hinata was in the hospital.

After school and evening practice, I decide to walk towards Hinata’s house instead of my own. I’ll drop in unannounced, but I’m sure Hinata won’t mind a short visit.

When I’m almost at his house, I hear something familiar; a soft thud of a ball hitting a wall, over and over and over again until it bounces unto the ground. There’s wheezing, almost painful sounding.

“J-just work,” a high-pitched male voice whispers. “Just stop being so weak!”

I walk around the corner and see his garden thought the fence. Hinata hasn’t seen me yet, he’s too busy clenching the ball with his fists; he stares at it, thick tears streaming down his face.

When he stands up again and bounces the ball against the wall, it’s like a spear being pierced through my heart. He’s so weak, almost too weak to stand on his feet let alone hit the ball correctly.

I stand there, too hurt to move at all, watching him struggle to hit one single ball.

I thought he has had the worst, being at the hospital and having chemo for such a long while. Instead the worst part has only just started; now he has to deal with not being able to play at all.

I stare, until he’s reached his breaking point and collapses onto the ground; crying at his loudest.

In a dash, I run into his garden, not even thinking before climbing over the low fence. I sit down on the ground, beside Hinata and stare down at him. When he looks up at me with bloodshot eyes and a splotchy red face, he says my name weakly.

He’s barely strong enough to keep his eyes open anymore.

I clench my fists and close my eyes in an attempt to calm myself down. Because I’m furious, not at myself, but at Hinata; he knows he shouldn’t push himself this much, but here he is training until he finally collapses. He’s going to train himself to death if he keeps going on like this.

“Why?” I scream, unable to contain it anymore. “Why, Hinata!”

Two brown scared eyes stare back at me.

“Why are you overdoing it?” I ask him, shaking my head furiously. “You’re going to break your body this way! Don’t you know that?” I clench my fists and punch the grass. “Don’t you want to keep playing once you’re strong enough?”

Hinata opens his mouth to speak, but he has no right to; not after what he’s doing to himself.

“I want to play with you again!” I yell, grabbing Hinata’s shoulders and shaking him furiously. “Don’t you get that? I just want you to be there with me again!”

Tears blur my vision, a lump blocks my throat. I sound weak when I whisper, “I just miss you, Hinata.”

I wipe away my tears, but they keep coming back in bigger amounts than ever before. They won’t stop, because I just want my teammate back; I’m just a nobody when he’s not beside me.

I’m furious, exhausted and most of all I’m emotionally broken because of it.

But everything around me seems to stop when a hand calmly runs through my hair. It’s weak and careful when it slowly brushes through my hair, and after that I don’t know what even happens; like a blanket Hinata’s hands wrap around me and I feel so calm like nothing ever happened.

I can feel his nose in my hair, his lips moving a little when he whispers, “Stop worrying.”

I am worrying, all the time, but not right now; not as I feel his ice-cold hands rubbing my back. Not when I can hear his heartbeat thumping so softly.

All I can do now is give into it and cry.

“I understand what you say, I know that too.” Hinata’s voice is soft and hoarse. “And I will listen.”

Every since bottled up emotion of the past weeks comes out in the form of tears.

“I will… I won’t be doing volleyball anymore, not this year.”

I sob, my body shaking, because even when this is what I wanted him to say it doesn’t sound right. It sounds like he’s giving up, like he’s letting his dreams go just because I told him to. That’s unlike him.

My cheeks get warmer and my tears stop flowing when Hinata’s cold lips touch my forehead.

I back up, looking him on the eyes when he whispers, “But next year.” A smile appears on his face. “Next year I will be standing of that court right beside you, Kageyama.”

With those words, his lips go a little lower; exactly where I want them. I didn’t know I wanted to kiss him so badly, but when our lips are touching my heart starts racing. My cheeks grow warmer.

And when they part again, way too early, his cheeks have color for the first time in months.

“Kageyama,” Hinata whispers, my name has never sounded so great before. “Could _you_ try winning every match _for_ me this year?” He blushes a little more before grinning shyly. His smile is back, not forced one in any way; it’s a real Hinata smile, exactly the one I missed so much.

I feel my face getting red as I nod and tell him, “Yes, I will win for you. For sure!” I’ve never felt so certain about something before.

It’s at that moment, as we’re both sitting in the grass with mud sticking to every inch of our clothes and both with splotchy faces from crying, that I realize why I always enjoyed scolding Hinata so much. It wasn’t because I hated him, not even close; I cared about him.

I want to scold him for kissing me, because what if he catches a cold because of it. I want to scold him for giving me the burden of having to win for him. Heck, I want to kick his ass for having me realize how much I actually care for him. But more than any of those things I want him right beside me.

Not just during our volleyball matches, not just at training or at school; I actually just want to share every moment of my life with this dumbass.


	9. An Orange Ribbon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Final Chapter!

**Tobio Kageyama**

_Quite a while later…_

My nerves are killing me as we’re all gathered in front of the big hall’s doors. They’re closed, and it’s dark, and I hear so many voices behind that door. And I just want to run inside, make some good sets to win that game and go to see Shouyou on top of the bleachers as soon as possible.

But that’s not how it works, or so my nerves are telling me.

“Are you okay, Kageyama?” Daichi asks, patting me on the back.

“I’m fine,” I reply, but it’s one big lie.

When the doors in front of me open, and I see the volleyball court right in front of me, I feel my heartbeat racing so quickly. I nervously play with the ribbon that I’ve wrapped around my wrist, a sign that I’m way more nervous than I want to let Daichi or anyone else know.

It’s because this will be my first real match without Shouyou right beside me.

Of course, we’ve had practice matches and Shouyou wasn’t there whenever I was at practice in school, but this is different from all of those times. Now Shouyou will be watching me from the bleachers, shouting down at me from behind the big black banner, and he expects me to win for him.

“Sure you are,” Tsukishima says before walking past me.

I close my eyes briefly, even though I know his words are meant to make me feel bad, they make me feel rather confident; I am fine, because Shouyou will be watching me. That’s a big strength to me.

I take a small dash and start walking in front of Tsukishima with pride.

My gaze searches Shouyou’s, hoping he can see that I’m the first of our team to walk into the big lit hall. He should be nearby our team’s banner, but he’s not anywhere to be found.

My heart falls, maybe he was too tired to come watch me after all; I don’t remember last time he was that tired though, it has been quite a while since he slept in the afternoon too.

Just when I’m about to pretend to make peace with it, two cold hands wrap in front of my eyes, causing the world to go pitch black all of a sudden.

“Tobio! Guess who?” the most familiar voice ever whispers in my ear.

“Easy, you’re Shouyou,” I reply, turning around to see Shouyou standing behind me.

His hat is up crooked and thin but fluffy strains of orange hair show from underneath the wool.

Shouyou pouts and asks me how I knew it was him so quickly. “It’s unfair.”

“You’re the only guy I know who calls me by my first name.” I pat him of the head and grin. “Plus, didn’t you think I can recognize my own boyfriend’s voice?”

“Still not fair, you can let me have it my way at least once.” Shouyou frowns at me annoyed, but soon bursts out in laughter; he also knows I won’t make this easy on him, he’s still my rival after all.

“Anyway,” Shouyou says once he’s done chuckling. “Good luck out there.”

His hands wrap around mine and he fidgets with the orange ribbon that I’ve got tied around my wrist. He looks up at me and asks if the lucky ribbons were my idea.

“Yeah.” I actually had to convince everyone it was safe to wear them during a match, but eventually I got everyone to wear an orange ribbon around their arm, leg or as a bow in their hair. “I want to have a little bit of you with us on the court, and uh—“ I blush. “Orange was what came to mind.”

“That’s super sweet of you.” Shouyou’s fingers curl around mine.

I’m so glad I’m able to hold him, even when a couple of months ago it hadn’t looked like that.

When a couple of days ago we heard Shouyou’s completely Cancer-free, I couldn’t believe my ears. I had never been happier in my entire life, because this meant the Shouyou I knew could come back.

This is what happened; he’s been so much more energetic lately and he’s basically smiling twenty-four seven. He even shows up to practice, which is amazing, even when he doesn’t really participate.

I wrap my bigger hands around his and smile lightly; he makes me smile.

“I-I guess I have to go now,” I tell him when coach Ukai calls me over.

It’s sad when I have to let go of him, because the team is calling me over for a team meeting. I have to go if I want to win this tournament for Shouyou and we both know it.

Shouyou nods, and tells me he’ll be watching us from up where Yachi is waiting for him.

I squeeze his hand lightly before walking up to the group. I don’t get far, as a little cold hand taps on my shoulder and Shouyou asks, “Tobio… aren’t you forgetting something?”

I take a moment to think; I’ve got my clothes, the ribbon and my bag is in a locker and it’s not like I need anything else than a ball to do what I’m going to do.

“No?” I reply, turning around to Shouyou, completely confused by what he means.

Shouyou rolls his eyes and sigh dramatically before leaping at me, his arms around my neck and his lips on mine. He kisses me with more passion, more kindness, than usually.

I don’t mind that though, it’s exactly what I needed.

When our lips part my nerves have gone somewhere I cannot feel them, which is amazing. Now I actually feel like I can do this, like I can win for Shouyou.

I don’t want us to part ways yet, even when we’ll see each other again straight after the match is over. Yet, I’m glad his lips are still close to mine even if that means Shouyou basically has to balance on his the tips of his toes for even longer. I feel Shouyou’s lips stroking past mine softly.

“Now go.” He smiles, pushing me towards the group with full force; no mercy on me, and no fear that I will trip right before a tournament.

“Hey!” I shout, turning around to see Shouyou’s grinning wider than ever before.

“Go,” he laughs, he starts blushing right before he closes his eyes and adds, “You better win for me.”

I turn around, my gaze going from Shouyou to the team that will help me reach that goal.

Because winning for my annoying, tiny carrot-top, boyfriend… that’s exactly what I plan to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey There!
> 
> I hope you liked this fic! It sure was amazing to write!
> 
> Love, Noa <3

**Author's Note:**

> Hey There!
> 
> I hope you liked the first chapter!  
> Okay, so I can't promise anything just yet, but I will try my best to post AT LEAST once a week for as long as I haven't finished all drafts. As soon as I'm done writing the draft for each chapter, I'll be posting each Thursday and Sunday around noon (Pacific Time). I will try to do that now too, but I don't know how long it'll take me to write the drafts with college and all. 
> 
> Hopefully I'll see you this Sunday for the next chapter!
> 
> Love, Noa <3


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